I was going through some photos this week on Facebook. Obviously, Facebook hasn’t been around forever, so it was really only about eight years. What struck me, was my reaction to photos of me from 2011. Photos I remember looking at and going, “I look fat. I look old. My nose looks funny.”
Now I look and go, “Wow, I looked good.” Some of the photos, dare I say, I looked hot.
Funny how eight years, gravity and about ten extra pounds changes your perspective on things.
This was during a week that I was partaking in one of my favorite hobbies. Beating myself up.
I have never been a man, so I don’t know how often men do the “I am failure” routine, but based on the men I have known in my life, I think women focus on this more.
We are never smart enough. We are never attractive enough. We are never thin enough. We are never smart enough. Unfortunately, none of these things are true, but in our world, we continue to perpetrate the myth.
My focus this week was on my finances. Why, or why, do I still not have a hefty savings account and no credit card debt? Why am I such a financial failure?
It took a minute, but looking at the old pictures, took me back to when those pictures and ones before them were taken. $80,000 in credit card debt. A HELOC that came due that threatened me keeping my beloved home. The knot in my stomach that kept me awake every night why I worried about whether or not I would have a roof over my head.
Not quite the same as feeling bad because I put a little extra on my credit cards this holiday season. Or that I still continue to struggle with finding financing for an addition to my home, versus being able to keep my home.
I struggle with gratitude. I have struggled my entire life with living in the “right now”, and looking at what I have versus what I don’t. That damn glass is always half empty.
But I will not give up. My struggle with gratitude will continue.
My finances are better today than they were eight years ago. My body may not be quite as good, but I suspect I might be in better shape than I will be eight years from now.
My life is good. Better in some ways than I ever thought it could be. This week I am going to celebrate that. And put my favorite hobby on hold indefinitely. I hope everyone who reads this, does the same.