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CLOSING AND OPENING DOORS

3/30/2014

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Whether it is a layoff, a firing or getting dumped by your significant other, many life changing events are not of our choosing.  Inevitably, right when your emotions are at their rawest someone will say to you, “When one door closes another door opens.”  And at that moment you probably feel like slamming a door on that person’s hand and saying, “Don’t  worry I’m sure your hand will feel better when the door opens!”  When you feel angry, hurt and basically like someone put you out to the curb with the trash, a saying from a motivational poster is not what you want to hear.  

I have been in that spot more times than I care to count,  starting with getting dumped by my first true love Mike in high school, to being downsized at more than a couple of places of employment.  Being a musician, you are constantly facing format changes, owner changes and just plain places closing their doors, so you are never expecting to keep any gig and always looking for the next one.  My musical life and the attitude that all musicians share of being “temporarily” employed has made my corporate life upheavals so easier to handle and made me somewhat of an expert on change and moving on.
 
A former co-worker of mine really brought this to light recently when she was facing downsizing and had to hit the job boards.  She found a great new position and told me this week, “They did me such a favor by getting rid of me!”
 
That being said, the pain and rejection can be a little hard to get past.  To help out, here are three tips for walking past that closed door with swag and more than a little attitude.
  1. SET UP YOUR PITY PARTY TIME:  One week, one month, one day.  Pick a time for your pity party and stick with it.  For a big life changing event (company you worked for and helped    
    build for ten years gives you a two week package and a “Thanks for playing!”) you might need a real soiree, but at the end of your party you have to pack all the pity party decorations and favors in a trunk and toss the key.  LITERALLY.  On the day you set, imagine the trunk, imagine putting the negative feelings and thoughts in it and close it!  When someone brings up, “Boy, they really screwed you…”  Your reply is, “I don’t talk about that anymore, because I am moving on.”  Is it hard? Hell yes, but you are doing yourself a huge favor by not letting constant talk about your misfortune keep you from that next exciting adventure in your life.
  2. LET YOUR IMAGINATION RUN WILD:  Now that you have trunk packed, your next step is to take a mental vacation.  Imagine all the things in life you have always wanted to do that you now have more time to look at. Total career change from carpenter to TV star? Adam Carolla did it!  Feel     like writing a novel or starting a blog?  Very doable.  Trying out one of those new online dating services? Why not?  You may not do any of the things you think about during this little trip, but dreaming about the possibilities gives you some time to mentally recover and it will lead you    
    to the next step…
  3. GET DOING: Like all trips, the mental one has to end. You may have come up with some realistic possibilties during this time, but the next step is stop thinking and get doing! By the way, spending every day watching four hours of “Law and Order” reruns is not doing!  Get your resume finished and posted on job boards. Go out with that guy that a friend of a friend says you will really like. 
    Will everything fall into place immediately?  Of course not!  You will have lots of setbacks on the     road to your big comeback, but it is out there.  You just have to make it happen and when it does, it will feel better than you can even imagine.
    The job I have now is one of the best day jobs I have ever had, but it took me two other fairly unhappy jobs to get there and I got to say, that has made me appreciate it that much more!
     
    “When a door closes another door opens.”  A
     corny motivational poster, but a true one. As long as you aren’t spending all your time standing behind the closed door!

    

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LIFE AFTER FINANCIAL RUIN

3/21/2014

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I did some shopping at Goodwill today. (See the picture at the left and check out the shopping page for a complete description and a little better look).  A generous work bonus and finally paying off the IRS with some leftover has gotten me to where financially I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and be relatively sure it is not a train!  Now comes the hard part.  Not going back to my bad money ways!  I love shopping, but I desperately want to remember the life lessons of the last two difficult, stress filled years.  Like a drug addict just let out of rehab, I find one half of myself wanting to try to get my Macy's card back and the other half sweating when I pick up a $1.99 t-shirt.  Below are some of my thoughts on staying on track when I am have been  filled with temptation and an available credit card balance.

1. Remember what things are worth.  Things you carry things in, things you wear on your feet and things you put on your body should never cost more than an average person's car payment.
2. If you think it might be worth the price and it costs more than what you pay for your lunch, let it ride for 24 hours.  If you still think it is worth it, you really still need it or really want it, go back.  If it is gone, it was not meant to be yours.
3. And finally, spending means not saving. Not saving means going back to the same stress and sleepless nights I am finally starting to get out of.

Makes that Macy's card a lot less attractive!

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OSCARS AND THE BEST OF DAYS

3/3/2014

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I saw this picutre on a friend’s  Face book page today and thought the timing could not have been better. Don’t believe the quote? Let’s talk about Sunday’s Academy Awards. 
 
It was a night where three of the four winners of the major acting awards had never won before. Jared Leto hadn’t acted in a movie in five years before doing the
part that got him the Supporting Actor nod.  A year ago, most of the world had never even heard of best Supporting Actress Lupita Nyong’o. 
 
Those were the winners, but then there were the nominees. Barkhad Abdi had never been in a
movie before “Captain Phillips”.  Think if you told him three years ago he would be at the Oscars he would have believed you? 
 
How about June Squibb?  84 years old and she got her very first Oscar nomination.  Ever consider you might be at the peak of your career at 84?

 What will be happening in your life a year from now? Two years from now? Five years from now?  How about some of the best days of your life.

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