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Struggling With Gratitude

4/12/2019

I was going through some photos this week on Facebook. Obviously, Facebook hasn’t been around forever, so it was really only about eight years. What struck me, was my reaction to photos of me from 2011. Photos I remember looking at and going, “I look fat. I look old. My nose looks funny.”

Now I look and go, “Wow, I looked good.” Some of the photos, dare I say, I looked hot.

Funny how eight years, gravity and about ten extra pounds changes your perspective on things.

This was during a week that I was partaking in one of my favorite hobbies. Beating myself up.

I have never been a man, so I don’t know how often men do the “I am failure” routine, but based on the men I have known in my life, I think women focus on this more.

We are never smart enough. We are never attractive enough. We are never thin enough. We are never smart enough. Unfortunately, none of these things are true, but in our world, we continue to perpetrate the myth.

My focus this week was on my finances. Why, or why, do I still not have a hefty savings account and no credit card debt? Why am I such a financial failure?

It took a minute, but looking at the old pictures, took me back to when those pictures and ones before them were taken. $80,000 in credit card debt. A HELOC that came due that threatened me keeping my beloved home. The knot in my stomach that kept me awake every night why I worried about whether or not I would have a roof over my head.

Not quite the same as feeling bad because I put a little extra on my credit cards this holiday season. Or that I still continue to struggle with finding financing for an addition to my home, versus being able to keep my home.

I struggle with gratitude. I have struggled my entire life with living in the “right now”, and looking at what I have versus what I don’t. That damn glass is always half empty.

But I will not give up. My struggle with gratitude will continue.

My finances are better today than they were eight years ago. My body may not be quite as good, but I suspect I might be in better shape than I will be eight years from now.

My life is good. Better in some ways than I ever thought it could be. This week I am going to celebrate that. And put my favorite hobby on hold indefinitely. I hope everyone who reads this, does the same.

Central California Weekend

3/27/2019

This past weekend, the D-Man and I took a trip to Central California with Kody. We found a great coach house, located on a small farm, through VRBO, in Templeton, just outside of Paso Robles. This is the first time we have done a rental through a travel website and I have to say, the place was fantastic! Quaint, clean and with great views from a huge bedroom window. We had our own patio area with a propane fire pit and they even provided the makings for s’mores.

Driving up the driveway, we were greeted by a huge black lab who barked and stood in front of the car to make sure we found the right parking space. This was the first weekend trip we took Kody on and given his history with not getting along with other dogs, I was a little nervous. Turns out once we got out of the car, the black lab, named Percy, was a wonderful hostess. She allowed Kody to do his sniffing and he calmed down enough by the end of the weekend to look out the door when she came to beg for treats without an incident.

I had planned for wine tasting at the Wild Horse winery, so we headed out there Saturday afternoon. I knew they were dog friendly. What I didn’t realize was that most wineries are dog friendly and we had probably half a dozen within walking distance of where we were staying.

But Wild Horse was great. They had two llamas and the wine was wonderful. There was one bad moment. Apparently Kody was confused when I said we were going wine tasting. He thought I said “rabbit tasting.” As we were walking him around the grounds, he stuck his head in a bush and came out with a rabbit. He dropped it after I screamed hysterically. The D-Man said the rabbit may have still been alive, but we headed out before anyone realized we had a killer on a leash.

We had great meals in Paso Robles at The Park Street Grill and the Odyssey Café, enjoyed some walks where Kody discovered what cows are and some great fire pit time.

All too soon, we were back in the car heading home with a couple of bottles of Wild Horse wine and a dog who still didn’t quite understand why take-out rabbit from a bush was a bad thing. I can’t wait to go on our next adventure!

THE REAL LIFE WORKING GIRL

2/15/2019

This month, the company I work for was acquired. Two friends of mine are also working for companies that have been recently acquired, so it looks like the beginning of the year is a popular time for these things.
The first time I had ever heard of mergers and acquisitions was when I saw the 1988 movie “Working Girl”. I had no clue what it meant. I find that humorous now, because this is the fourth time that a company I have worked for has been acquired. Of the three previous, one turned out to be a great opportunity and the other two also brought opportunity. A “box of opportunity” and a severance package.
This acquisition is off to a great start. The new company has gone out of their way to make all the staff feel welcome and it looks like they really want to do interesting things that are going to benefit everyone.
I doubt this will be my last one. This is really the trend in business today and unless you work at a government job or are a couple of years from retirement, chances are, you might be facing one of these in your future.
Here’s three things I learned from my four times of coming out of a mandatory company meeting working for a different company.
TAKE YOUR VACATION TIME
It is not a law that employers award vacation time. So it is not written in stone that once the company you work for gets acquired, that they will honor it. I have seen all kinds of resolutions. I have seen it carried over, paid out and in one case of a company that had gone through bankruptcy and then been acquired, it was forgotten. I still remember a long time employee raising their hand and asking what would happen to their vacation and the old owner basically said, “That’s up to the new owners. And by the way, this office is closing and none of you are going to have jobs.” Some of those people had been there for over ten years and had built up vacation time like it was some kind of badge of honor. I am sure more than one sat in that meeting wishing they had at least done a couple of stay-cations.
If your company gives you vacation time, take your vacation time. Not only is work life balance important, but nothing in life is guaranteed. Especially not those five weeks you have been hoarding.
STOCK OPTIONS ARE IMPORTANT
I use to think stock options were kind of a joke. Especially when I was working for companies that were privately owned. I called it “pretend stock”. Until a company I worked for where I didn’t have stock options, got investors who bought out the options for the employees that did. Some of them paid off their student loans with that “pretend stock” pay out.
If you have stock options, review them and make sure you understand them. Look at your option price, how many shares you can buy and when the options expire.
Then look at them like you would a salary negotiation either when you are doing your annual review or getting ready to accept a new job offer. Get a lower option price or more shares and it might ease the pain of not getting the exact salary you were hoping for. You may not see any money immediately, but at acquisition time, you might be able to pay off some debt, or take a nice vacation.
ALL ACQUISITIONS ARE OPPORTUNITIES
You cannot control when or if the company you work for gets acquired. Worrying about it and fighting the change when it happens does nothing for you. Yes, even in the good ones, there is new ways of doing things, changes to procedures and maybe even a new boss or two. It also can mean more training opportunities, better benefits or more time off. Sometimes even the “box of opportunity”, although not anyone’s first choice, can push you into finding another career path. Maybe one that you were meant to be on all along.

THE CAN DO RESOLUTION

1/10/2019

I had a wonderful holiday season, filled with good times, good food and good friends. So I was a little surprised to be in a Boot Camp aerobics class the morning of New Year’s Eve in tears.

The source of the tears had started in an aerobics class a little over a month earlier. I did a jump and when I came down, I must have landed wrong on my left knee. I remember thinking, “That hurt,” but being a little bit stupid, I kept going in the class. Then I kept trying to work out, not slowing down. Which resulted in the knee getting a lot worse. Right before Thanksgiving, I was getting ready to travel for work, so I finally broke down and took two weeks off from the gym. I expected I would heal in two weeks, but as the end of the time approached, I realized I couldn’t straighten my leg.

I have been extremely fortunate in my life to have not had a lot of illnesses or injuries. A cold every few years, a sore throat and maybe a sprained ankle. I pretty much take for granted that I will be able to haul a PA, clean out my own gutters and bring home a dresser by myself from the Goodwill. Although I have a lot of compassion for people who have constant pain or real sickness, for myself, I have never really had to deal with it.

I finally broke down and saw a doctor, who prescribed some muscle relaxants, a knee brace and no high impact work outs until it healed.

“No worries,” I thought. “It will be back to normal by Christmas.”

Which brings me to the New Year’s Eve class. I was doing my little low impact version in the back, when I suddenly started crying. Because everybody had sweat running down their faces, no one noticed. Thank goodness, because I felt like an idiot. I just got overwhelmed watching everybody doing box jumps, burpees, and jumping jacks, while all I could do was step in and out. It probably didn’t help that my birthday had been a week before, but for the first time in my life, I felt very old and very broken. Those exercises that I usually dreaded doing, now were the only things I wanted to be able to do.

I happen to walk out at the same time as the teacher, still wearing my unfashionable knee brace. “I really like your class,” I told him. “I wish I could do more, but I have been trying to get back from this knee thing….”

“You just need to focus on what you CAN do and not push too hard,” he said. “I tore up my knee playing semi-professional ball about ten years ago and it took me two years to get it back to normal. It takes time.”

Two years to get back to normal? Here I was crying over a couple of months, focusing on what I wasn’t able to do, not looking at all the things I still could do.

I had spent my birthday, walking all over Magic Mountain, riding rollercoasters with the D-Man, with only a little knee stiffness. I had hosted a wonderful Christmas Eve for 20 people that went on until 2:00am. I had spent a lovely Christmas Day with family.

New Year’s Eve, after my little pity party, I hauled in an entire sound system and we entertained a great group of people, helping them ring in the New Year. Yes, my knee hurt, but I didn’t start until near the end of the night and at least I was able to move around on stage.

Then the day after New Year’s, I was able to walk and see all the great floats from the Rose Parade. Like I said, a great holiday season. No burpees, no jumping jacks, but still the best.

My workouts have taken a new turn. I am focusing more on Cycle classes and I finally feel like, at least on the bike, I can do a normal workout. The return to high impact is still a work in process and I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t a little frustrated, but today, I realized, I can almost straighten my leg all the way! Not a burpee, but progress. Something I couldn’t do a few months ago.

I know everyone is making New Year’s resolutions. Lose 20 pounds, get a new job, fall in love.

When these things don’t work out immediately, it is easy to abandon them and feel like a failure. But what we don’t realize, is sometimes we expect too much.

Maybe you won’t lose 20 pounds, but you can take a 15 minute walk every night to get in a little better shape. Maybe you aren’t hired yet, but you can take a class to learn a new skill or work on putting together a great resume. Volunteering, starting a new hobby, just going to see some live music is going to increase your chances of meeting someone new.

Focus on what you CAN do. Come to think of it, maybe that’s the best resolution of all.

"NORMAL" HOLIDAYS

12/17/2018

This year, I have continued my tradition of getting ahead of the holidays. With one week to go, the gifts are done, the decorating is complete and the holiday invites and cards have been sent. All this despite what has not been an easy December.
The month started with an exhausting business trip that happened right as a knee injury I had a few weeks back had gotten really painful. The combination of not going to the gym for two weeks and traveling in a germ filled airplane, brought me a case of bronchitis that went to full laryngitis after a Friday night gig.

Saturday morning I had to wake up early to finish holiday errand type stuff and by Saturday night, with a throbbing knee, absolutely no voice and basically feeling like I had been run over by a truck, I was asleep by 930pm. I know third graders who stay up later.

The great thing about feeling that bad? It can only go up from there! I woke up Sunday feeling like a human being and today, I almost started to feel like my old self.

The knee brace and anti-inflammatory drugs I got after I finally broke down and went to a doctor last week are really helping. My voice is ALMOST normal and my cough is almost gone.

Which got me thinking about all the things we do all the time that we don’t feel grateful for. Going to Cycle class. Singing. Talking to people and having them be able to hear you. Take the basics off the table and it changes your perspective quite a bit.
So this holiday season, I am adding a new tradition. Some moments of “normal” gratitude. Gratitude for not just the holiday fun, but the holiday stress and craziness. Because for some, the holidays have become too quiet and maybe even lonely. It’s funny to think, but some of the things we think we dread doing today, may someday be the very things we miss doing the most.

So happy holidays? How about wishing someone “normal” holidays?

The Roasted Pumpkin Wall of Fame

11/27/2018

The last few months, every time I went to the bathroom, I saw how badly my hallway needed to be painted. Even painting a small hallway is an all-day project, so with football season and weekend gigs, the only way it was going to happen was for me to take a day off of work.
I finally tacked a PTO day on to the long Thanksgiving weekend and spent the week before trying out different colors. I was all set on a grey color scheme, when the night before I went to buy the paint, I decided to flip through a home magazine. I saw a dark orange bathroom and I decided to do the same color I had done in my entry way (Roasted Pumpkin) with the ceiling the same Orange Mousse as the living room. It was a lot of work, but it turned out great.
Now the hallway isn’t just the way to the bathroom and the bedrooms. It is my own little “Walk of Fame“.
I have a lot of pictures of family and friends throughout my house, but the hallway is all about the bands I have been in over the years. For people who come to visit, it is always a good conversation piece, but for me, it always brings back a memory of someone, some song, some bar or just some night.
On a week where I was thinking about the twenty years of the California version of L.A. Lyon and the amount of time I have spent with the guys I play with now, it was an interesting coincidence to be working on a project that requires taking down and putting up the pictures that held so many musical memories. It also wasn’t lost on me that it was a weekend where we should be focusing on all the things we should be grateful for.
One of the great things about social media, is that you are able to connect with people you have lost touch with. But I am always surprised when someone messages me from one of my early bands and says, “I don’t know if you will remember me, but…”
Remember you? Of course I do! You are on the Roasted Pumpkin Wall of Fame!

Vision Chair

10/19/2018

I admit it, I do not have a vision board. It’s not that I don’t believe in them. The logic behind why they work actually makes sense to me. But to be perfectly honest, I haven’t made making one a top priority.
For those of you who may not be familiar with what a vision board is, it is a collage of images, pictures and affirmations of one's dreams and desires, designed to serve as a source of inspiration and motivation, and to use the law of attraction to attain goals.

This week I think I came up with a variation. It is called the vision chair.

I mentioned I have been struggling with trying to get financing for a home addition. The combination of my credit score and the difficulty of getting a home equity line of credit has made me put the whole idea on the back burner until after the holidays. But I still think about it every day.

Of course, part of the reason I am so obsessed with adding a new dining room and a laundry room is a “want.” I want the convenience of doing laundry without having to drag it through my garage. I want more space to entertain. I want to turn my current dining room into my wine room. A classy little space for cocktails and appetizers, before moving to the main dining space. Yes, the want is also the life style part of it. More space, more entertaining and more time with friends.

The other part is much more practical. My home, particularly right now, is the largest investment I have. The light of retirement is getting brighter every day and a reverse mortgage is something I have been thinking about since I first heard they existed. Adding on square footage means adding on value. Value means more income in retirement. So the addition actually makes sense and is not just a way to feed my HGTV addiction.

Speaking of home design, I recently read an article by a designer who said, “If you love something buy it. Find a place for it later.” This is not something I should have ever seen.

So imagine my joy when I received an email from Cort Furniture stating I had been awarded a $40.00 credit for a class action suit. By the way, I had no idea I was part of a class action suit, but $40.00 is $40.00.

Off I went to the Cort Furniture Clearance store in Glendale.

A few things about Cort. They are not just office furniture. They carry some well-made items and if you visit a clearance store, they are reasonably priced. I found a great dresser there about a year ago. They also have some unique and cool styles and colors, which of course, is right in my hemisphere.

I had been looking online for a chair for my wine room. Yes, the one that doesn’t exist. But just like I did when I had my fire and my beloved home was in despair, I find looking for ideas and picking out finishes, makes me feel better. I may not have a vision board, but I have a very fat folder full of ideas and designs for my new dream home.

But here I was, in a real store, with real credit and there it was. The perfect chair for my wine room.
Well, almost perfect. The chair cushion was dirty and worn and the chair was silver. Not the beautiful gold I was looking for. But the price? Marked down from $299.00 to $99.00. With my $40.00 credit, I had paid more for dinner a couple of weekends ago for the D-Man and me.

Home it came, to my garage and two cans of Gold Metallic spray paint. My first Cort Hack.
Just to be totally transparent here, the picture of where it is, is not where it is living right now. The wine room is still the dining room and as tiny as it the space is, my wine chair has to live in a less fashionable place right now. Sitting in an awkward corner of the living room.

But I see it every day. To remind me, that giving up on anything you want, is not an option.
I mean, let’s face it. You can’t sit on a vision board.

Goodbye To Summer

9/21/2018

This weekend marks the official end of summer. And in the past, that has always made me sad.

I have always had an intense love affair with summer. It started at a young age, growing up in a small town in Wisconsin. Sleeping in, hanging at the community pool, riding bikes for ice cream. Then in later years, hanging out at Milwaukee Summerfest, catching outdoor concerts and spending every possible waking hour outside. When you live in Wisconsin, where half the year is spent navigating the frozen tundra, when summer hits, everything is about getting out to enjoy the only descent weather of the year.

When I moved to California, things between summer and I cooled a little. When you can literally wear shorts 365 days a year, my summer love affair lost some of its intensity. Yet a part of me has never let go of that feeling that I had to pack a ton of sun and fun in three and a half months. I have also never forgotten doing that first day of school report, “What I did this summer.”
The answer this year would be, not that much.

I didn’t really do any major projects, which I usually do. I had been planning to have a home addition done this summer, but who knew how tough it was going to be to get a HELOC to pay for it? The first time in my life I could have actually afforded to make the loan payments and no one wanted to lend me any money. Alanis Morissette are you listening? I have an idea for another verse to your song!

It was an extremely hot summer and both the refrigerator and just recently, the air conditioner needed major repairs. Doing gigs meant hauling in equipment in heat, performing in heat and basically peeling off clothes stuck to my body and taking showers at 300am when I finally got home. Some weekend days we never even ventured out, watching documentaries on Netflix with Kody and Kato on the couch. Not quite what I had in mind as summer fun.

Looking at my list of untouched projects, same size house and smaller size bank account, I lamented to the D-Man, “I am so OVER summer!”

I got the “stop being a drama queen” eye roll.

But the reality is, I am never over summer. The longer days. The summer fruit. Those summer nights, sitting on the backyard deck with a glass of wine, introducing the D-Man to old Bob Seger songs.

This summer, I got to see some family I hadn’t seen in years, spend some time with friends and yes, enjoyed a long tradition of seeing some great summer concerts.

Redesigning this blog, painting the hallway and refinishing that dresser I got at the Goodwill have just been moved to the Fall Project List.

No, it wasn’t an amazing summer. But it had its moments. Some of them pretty darn good.

I didn’t mean it summer. I am not over you. We just had a couple of rough patches. Goodbye for now. I can’t wait to see you next year.

Litter Box Inspired Renovation

8/2/2018

Let me start by saying, you will never hear Joanna Gaines from “Fixer Upper” say the next sentence. I got my latest design idea for my office from a litter box.

Let’s back up a bit. For the last year or so, I have been dealing with Kato’s inability to do what he needs to do in the correct place. Not for lack of trying or medical reasons. Without getting graphic, let’s just say his aim is not what it used to be. Since the location of his kitty box was in my office, it made for a lot of me wiping up the floor and a lot of burning of Yankee candles. You get the picture.

After trying every option I could think of, including two different boxes that look like furniture and still not having any relief, I finally found a winner! Modkat Flip Litter Box with a Reusable Liner. It has a high back and a low front for entrance and the reusable liner makes clean up super easy. I found it on Amazon and the only thing that isn’t perfect about it is the plain white color. Which I fixed with some orange spray paint.

The other great thing about it, is it fits in a corner of my office instead of sitting prominently on one wall.
So back to how it inspired my latest office design. Since I now had some extra space, I have been looking for either a vanity or a thin desk to use as a dressing table. With just one bathroom in the house, any time the D-Man is over and we are both getting ready to go out, it makes for a time crunch. I wanted to add one more function to my office and make it an office/dressing room. What was missing was a place to do my hair and make-up. Now with the litter box tucked in the corner, I finally had the room.

Target to the rescue! I found this Hairpin Pin Desk from the Room Essentials collection. Exact size that I was looking for and a cool mid-century modern look. The price is what had me ordering it immediately. A sale price, five percent off with my Target Red Card and free shipping brought the final priced just over forty dollars.

It also has great storage for my office supplies. Turquoise and pink spray paint on some old silver desk trays I had added color and gave me a great place to keep printer paper and notebooks.
Turning my office into an office/dressing room is the easiest renovation I have ever done. Who knows, maybe I can get my own HGTV show. How does Litter Box Renovations sound? Yeah, I might need to work on the title.

Vacation Insights

7/15/2018

The D-Man and I returned from a wonderful eight day vacation in Wisconsin last week. He proclaimed it was his best Wisconsin vacation ever and I have to agree, it was wonderful. We balanced time between Summerfest on the Milwaukee lakefront, the music festival I have been attending since I was nine years old (11 days, over 800 bands), a stay in Sheboygan at the Blue Harbor Resort and lazy days in small towns like Port Washington and Cedarburg. The biggest lesson? Vacation is NOT optional! It is a necessity! An eight day break from work, stress and emails brought both of us back more refreshed and ready to face the world! In addition to that important lesson, there were some things I discovered that just made the whole trip that much better!

PROPER SHOES MAKE THE VACATION
I bought these Aerosoles last December in Las Vegas at the Outlet Mall. The shoe store was going out of business and I paid under 10.00 for them. The color was crazy and I really forgot about them until the recent heat wave, but I decided to take them along. The surprising thing was that even though the color is loud as can be, they went with a lot of my shorts and skirts. The best thing was they felt like I was wearing slippers! They really came in handy the day we walked all over the picturesque town of Cedarburg, Wisconsin. The D-Man's phone app said we had walked five miles and my feet felt like we had walked around the block.

LOVE THE ONE YOU ARE WITH
Speaking of Cedarburg, we really enjoyed a couple of afternoons we spent there. I have done wine tasting in Napa Valley and Northern California and yes, the wine is fabulous and it is a great experience! But I also enjoyed the wine tasting we did at the Cedar Creek Winery. I found a Strawberry Blush that is a great summer drink. Right next door was a crepe restaurant that had the best turkey crepes I have ever had in my life! The morale of this story? Anywhere you vacation has great places you can discover and enjoy. It doesn't have to be the "it" place to be a great place.

THE SAME OLD ISN'T THE SAME
I mentioned I have been going to Summerfest since I was nine years old, missing only a couple of years. Every year they improve the stages, the sound and the food. In addition, they add fun activities. Walking around the grounds one day, I saw they were giving free boat rides around the lake in a speed boat. So off the D-Man and I went for a really fun thirty minute ride, where I snapped the picture at the left in the middle of Lake Michigan. It was a lot of fun and a new addition to something I have been going to for most of my life.

So if you haven't taken some time away this summer, take my advice and do it! No matter what your budget or where you live, take the time to recharge! Your co-workers and family will notice the difference.