Blog Posts - The Girl In The Band

THE PET PANTRY

3/3/2021

At the beginning of the pandemic, I had high hopes for doing projects and getting my home organized. I also had planned that 2020 would be the year I would finally add square footage to my home, something I have been planning and thinking about since I bought my little 948 square footer almost thirty years ago.

Over the years, I have thought of everything from adding a second story (not very feasible), to expanding my front bedroom with a master bath. The last five years or so, I focused on two things that annoyed me the most about my tiny house. Having the smallest room of the house be the dining room and having laundry in the garage. After many trials and tribulations getting financing put together, I spent the better part of this past summer meeting with contractors. I chose one I felt comfortable working with who had impeccable references and got started on this long awaited project.

And then I waited. And I waited. Eight months later, we are finally in the final stretch of POSSIBLY getting building permits. More on this drama in another post, but all the waiting left me in a house holding pattern that has stymied my creativity for doing much of anything.

I did manage to get rid of a lot of “stuff” and get more organized, but other than a garage full of tile, cabinets and lighting waiting for a home, I haven’t done any projects.

My contractor did bring one of my visions to fruition a couple of months ago to placate the fact that we couldn’t get started on anything. The Pet Pantry is finally a reality. I happened to have HGTV on the other day and actually saw a repeat of the episode that inspired the Pet Pantry, so here is my version of something I have wanted since that episode first aired.

I have been trying to solve the issue of where to have my cat litter box and on an episode of “Love It Or Leave It,” Hilary built a pantry closet for all the homeowner’s pet supplies and at the bottom, put in an opening for a cat box. I thought it was the perfect idea and I had the perfect spot for it. My hallway had an old floor heating unit and since I put in central heating and air conditioning about 15 years ago, it has been wasted space. Not anymore!

I now have all my pet food, medicine and supplies in one spot and at the bottom, Aja has one of the nicest kitty bathrooms in the neighborhood! Plus, having it in a mostly closed closet means the smell and litter scatter is kept to a bare minimum.

Although it was impossible to match the wood floors exactly, the door mat/rug in front of the cabinet serves as a spot for Aja to wipe her feet and covers up the fact that the floor board widths are a little off.

Seeing the inspiration episode again got me out of my project funk and this weekend, I am going to start tackling some things I have been putting off in the back of the yard.

More posts to come!

The Truth About Finding What You Love (or just looking for a new gig)

2/14/2021

This being Valentine’s Day, a holiday about love, I got to thinking about the tumultuous relationship many of us with what we do for a living. I currently have a job I really like, but that has been a bit of a struggle lately. I am moving into a new role and have a ton of new things to learn. Having been in a set groove for a while, I am a little out of my comfort zone. Like any relationship, I feel like my love of what I do is going through a bit of a rough patch. Not nearly rough enough to think about calling it quits, but I have several friends who are thinking about making a move. Some have not had a choice because they were in businesses hard hit by the pandemic. Some are just frustrated with their current situation and feel like it is time to move on. Some are thinking about a career change. Nothing like having months where you can’t really take a vacation to think about what you are doing with your life.

I have been in all three situations, many times over the years. Looking for a new job because I had to, looking for a new job because I was miserable and doing a career change. Although the situations are different, they share some similarities. So here are some truths I have learned about looking for a new gig:

Salary Cuts and Title Changes Are Inevitable
Accept the fact that you might be looking at a salary cut. Of course if you REALLY need a job, having something coming in is better than nothing coming in. If you are thinking about trying to find something you really love doing, realize the money you are making is going to probably be decreased. You may have great experience, but if you want to try something new, there might be some “dues paying” time. When I switched from working in contact centers to working for a software company, the money wasn’t what I was used to. Knowing I was eventually going to be laid off from my gig at the time and feeling like I needed something new meant I had to suck it up. It wasn’t easy, but I look back at it as being one of the best career decisions I have ever made. The change has opened up a lot of opportunities and the money now is way beyond what I could have been making if I had stayed with what I was doing.
Here is another thing that doesn’t get brought up enough. Job titles are pretty meaningless in the reality of making a living. They may look great on your resume, but don’t necessarily relate to salary, particularly if you change industries. I went from being a supervisor in the financial business to being an analyst in the water business, a definite drop down in the food chain. For that title change, I ended up making 15,000 MORE a year. I still remember doing a dashboard happy dance in my car when I got the offer letter!
Speaking of titles, you technically can put any title you like on your resume. I have a friend who has been doing some of the job duties of the new career he wants to move into, so he has added the title of the job he is hoping to find on his resume. Let’s face it, if he hadn’t, when his resume goes through a keyword search, he would be immediately rejected, so this can be a smart move.
However, once you get to the point where you are filling out a job application, you need to enter the actual titles of past jobs. If they run a background and employment verification, you will have officially lied on your application and that is something you never want to do. Hopefully, by the time you are filling it out, you are getting ready to do a fabulous interview! An employer may overlook what your past titles have been if you can convince them you can handle the job.

Pond Size Matters:
There is tremendous differences between working for small, medium and large companies. I have worked for all three and they all have their pros and cons. Are benefits and vacation time important? Small companies can’t compete with large companies. Do you want to be able to try different things? Maybe help the marketing person put together a campaign or conduct the next company webinar? Small companies are the place to be! There is no right or wrong answer here, but think about where you are in your life and what is going to make you happy right now. I guarantee your priorities and ambitions will evolve quite a bit during your working life.

No gig is forever
It’s easy to have second thoughts when you accept a new job, but no gig is forever. I had a boss one time who said something to me that I have repeated many times over the years. “I was looking for a job when I found this one.” Just because you accept and start working at a lower pay than maybe you are worth, also doesn’t mean you stop looking. I literally accepted a job once and started back job hunting after the first week. It took about a year, but I found something that turned out to be one of my favorite gigs of all time!
You are never stuck in any job forever, just as there is no guarantee that you will be employed forever. Although that can be stressful, you need to accept it and do what you can to learn, grow and never stop looking for something you love doing.

HITTING THE PAUSE BUTTON ON HOLIDAY TRADITIONS

12/17/2020

The pandemic has not been as difficult for me as it has been for others. First and foremost, I have not gotten Covid. Although a few friends and family have had it, none have been seriously ill. I am still employed and have been working from home for over four years, so my normal workday didn’t really change. Work travel hasn’t happened in nine months, but honestly, it has been a nice break to not get on an airplane. Not doing gigs was an adjustment, but other than that, staying home with the D-Man, Kody and Aja on the weekends has been a lot of fun.

Of course, when this started, I never thought we would be looking at the holidays in the midst of the worst wave of the virus. I was in New York City in March, right before everything went crazy. I was seriously thinking about coming back and spending NYE in NYC, despite the fact that it would have been a budget breaker. But of course that idea went out the window around May when it started to look like the virus wasn’t going to just “disappear” as some were promising.

I love the holidays. My birthday is just a couple of days before Christmas and despite the fact that it gets forgotten or I get the Christmas/Birthday gift, it is kind of fun having it rolled in with the holiday season. The D-Man and I would make our yearly trek to Six Flags Magic Mountain, see all the wonderful Christmas decorations and ride all the rollercoasters. I have hosted a Christmas Eve open house for over 25 years, missing only two years in all that time. Seeing the pictures of kids who started coming when they were in diapers who now bring significant others is always part of the party. New Year’s Eve is always a working holiday, but always a gig I looked forward to doing. It always felt cool to do the countdown and make sure people had a fun time and got their year off to a great start. New Year’s Day was always the Rose parade in my pajamas and football all day. In recent years, I started going to see the Rose parade floats the day after New Year’s extending the holidays just a bit.

2020 will have none of those traditions. I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t disappointed and a little sad, but I realize these things are not gone forever. They will be back, hopefully bigger and better in 2021, but for now, we are hitting the pause button. In the meantime, we are experimenting with some new traditions.

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS AT MAGIC MOUNTAIN
If you had told me last year, that I would pay money to drive THROUGH Magic Mountain, not able to get out of the car, just to look at the Christmas decorations, I would have laughed hysterically. But that is exactly what the D-Man, Kody and I did a couple of weekends ago when we went to the Six Flags Holiday in the Park Drive- Thru Experience. Was it worth the 25.00 per person? Not really, but I am glad we went. It was fun to get out of the house and feel like at least we got to SEE the decorations I love when we go for my birthday. Kody sat in the backseat and realized he was playing the role of our child. He was attentive and looked like he was enjoying himself for about half of it, until he went to sleep. Who knows? Maybe some real kids did that too.

CHRISTMAS EVE
In a real break from Christmas tradition, we have rented a VRBO in Palm Springs and will be spending Christmas in the desert. The D-Man has a small family that we have seen throughout the pandemic and they will be there with us. It was something we had talked about doing for years and not wanting to risk a big gathering this year, we decided this was the time to do it. Since we were not going to be hosting Christmas Eve and because I was hoping I might be starting an addition (still waiting on permits!), I cut the Christmas decorating way back. Having Aja, who still thinks everything on earth is a cat toy, also factored in the decision to pass on having a tree this year. The only year I haven’t had a Christmas tree was the Christmas I spent in the hotel after my garage fire, so I have to confess, I do miss it. But I didn’t miss the work it takes to get it decorated and I REALLY don’t miss seeing it in shambles after Aja either tried to climb it or broke every ornament on it, which I am almost positive, would have happened. Sometimes you have to go with head over heart.

NYE
Someday I want to spend New Year’s Eve in New York City. It will probably not be next year, but one of these years. Next year, I would love to be back to having it be a working holiday. This year, the D-Man and I are going to cook a nice dinner, spend a little time by the fire pit and drink some champagne. It will be low key and not as crazy as some years have been, but it will be one of the few years we actually ring in together. I am also going to take some time before midnight to think about all the things that I have to be grateful for, even in what was a year none of us expected. Maybe that’s a one of the new traditions that I can keep.

BOOMERANG REAL ESTATE LESSONS

11/2/2020

Over the last close to thirty years, I have bought four homes. One I currently live in and three investment properties. Until very recently, I had only sold one. Not an expert by any means, but I have learned real estate buying and selling is not for the weak. My recent experience of selling a rental condo in Wisconsin really brought that to light. It also made me realize some interesting things about myself.

My first experience selling one of the rental properties was literally a dream. After several years of rotating tenants and even an eviction or two, I had a couple move into the place and within two weeks of living there, they called to say they wanted to buy it. For a fair and reasonable price. After so much drama with it, I jumped at the chance to get rid of it. Still, at tax time, I vowed I would not sell another property I owned. My other two investment properties had their moments, but overall, they had steady renters and I looked at them as being a good retirement plan down the line.

Then in October of last year, while on a business trip in Chicago, I got word the HOA for my condo in Wisconsin was changing the association rules. They were now going to limit the number of units that could be rented versus owner occupied. After spending a sleepless night seething about having a group of idiots tell me what I could or could not do with my property, I realized I would have to sell at the end of my current tenant’s lease.

This was not a happy decision. It was the only investment property I owned that I had any kind of emotional attachment to. I had bought it for my mother to live in and she had spent the last five years of her life there. On visits, I loved the gas fireplace and the patio that overlooked trees and a railroad track, where we actually enjoyed watching a train come through every day.
The only upside, was there was equity and I had a plan for the equity. I was finally going to put an addition on my house. Adding square footage was something I had been wanting to do since I bought my home in 1993. Over the years, different plans had come to mind, but the money was never there. It now was looking like I might be able to make it happen.

In January, I had to return to Chicago for another business trip, so I stopped off in Wisconsin for the weekend to meet with a realtor. The realtor assured me that the market was very hot and that a first floor, two bedroom, two bath condo would be snapped up in a matter of days. Good news to say the least. I made plans to put it on the market in June, with the idea of having it close in August at the end of my tenant’s lease.

Flash forward to June. Despite Covid, the Wisconsin real estate market remained hot. I put the condo up for sale the last Saturday in June. By Monday, I had three offers. I accepted an all cash offer for five thousand dollars over my asking price and basically thought it was a done deal.

I lined up a contractor for my addition, signed a contract for the construction and paid a deposit. I had secured half of the money for my home renovation through a home equity line of credit, which turned out to have its own drama (more on that in another post). The other half of the budget was coming on closing day, September 2nd, a few days after my tenant was scheduled to move out.

I received the closing documents via email and was getting ready to get them notarized and sent back when I got a text from my realtor to call him ASAP.

I figured it was a paperwork issue. It wasn’t.

“The sellers have changed their minds. They are not going to close,” he informed me.

My stomach dropped. “Why?”

“They just said they changed their minds.”

“One week before the close? Don’t they realize they have a purchase contract?”

“They realize that,” he said. “I am livid too. I have never seen this happen before, not a week before the close. Of course, they realize they are going to lose their deposit.”

The deposit they put down was minor and I quickly began to calculate what their boomerang mentality was going to cost me. The tenant was already one foot out the door. We had already lost the entire summer season off the market. I had already committed a substantial amount of money to my renovation project. To say their little “change of mind” was going to put a major kink in my plans was a huge understatement.

“Can we sue?” I asked. I have never sued anyone in my life, but I was ready for the first time.

“That’s a possible option. But they also want to know what the amount of money would be for you to let them just walk away.”

I threw out a number I knew they wouldn’t agree to with the hope it might scare them into reality.

“I will let them know and call you back.”

My realtor called back about an hour later. “They are going to close after all. “

I went the next day and got the closing paperwork put together, sending it off, but not really expecting they were going to show up.

Monday rolled around and my realtor called again. “They are not going to close. They won’t agree to what you asked for, but they are ready to make an offer of damages.”

He also explained that he had talked to a lawyer and that suing could tie up selling it to someone else for months. Not an option, since with no tenant, I was now looking at spending over a 1,000 a month out of pocket for the mortgage, utilities and HOA fees.

Their offer was about half of the number that I had originally thrown out. I rounded it up a bit and told my realtor to present that to them. They agreed. It was still going to leave me substantially short for my renovation and of course, I would now have those lovely carrying costs for an empty condo.

We put it back on the market immediately, but the Labor Day weekend had already passed and although the market was still warm, it was no longer red hot.

Winter in Wisconsin is not prime real estate season. The holidays are also not prime real estate season. The election was also looming, not to mention construction that was set to begin on my home soon.

Showings were done, but suddenly the same condo that was snapped up in twenty four hours was being nitpicked by potential buyers for being “too small” and “not the right location.” The quaint railroad track also became a huge negative.

Since I couldn’t fix any of those things, I dropped the price. More than once and in a fairly short period of time.

Then the last weekend in September, I got the call I had been waiting for. Sort of. It was an all-cash offer, but the amount? 80 percent less than the first offer.

A long Saturday of negotiations yielded another 10,000 and the very bottom price I could accept. Because it was all cash, it closed ten days later.

Once again, I am vowing to never sell another property. To be truthful, I am not running out to buy another property right now either. I would say it is similar to asking a woman who has just gone through childbirth, “So when do you want to have another child?”

That being said, it was another life lesson. Not just about real estate. Here’s three things I learned about myself from my Boomerang Real Estate Experience:

I AM NOT A PASSIVE PERSON:
Alright, maybe I already knew I am not a passive person, but this brought it home. I did not get the impression my realtor had the sense of urgency I did to get this deal done. But then, why should he? He wasn’t loosing over a grand a month. Plus working in a hot market meant he usually didn’t have to do much.
I didn’t feel the listing description or the listing pictures showed off the best features of the condo. So I rewrote the listing and added additional pictures myself. I also didn’t let more than a day go by without texting or emailing him to ask for updates and discuss how many showings were happening and what the feedback was.
I realized that being passive made me obsess on a negative outcome. Doing something, doing anything, made me feel more in control and gave me a more positive outlook.

I AM NOT AS CREATIVE AS I THINK I AM
It was a hot real estate market when we started. I heard stories of buyers trying to buy six different properties and being outbid on all of them. Adding a term or two to the sale would have been easy. Asking for a shorter close, rather than waiting for over two months would have been a smarter move on my part. Yes, they would not have been able to move into the condo until my tenant moved out, but in hindsight, we should have made them close within a month and then rented it back to them. No, not the traditional way to do the deal, but giving them too much time to look at other properties cost me. The “this never happens,” comment my realtor made wasn’t totally accurate. My lawyer had a different perspective on it. He said, “This happens all the time.” The only sure thing is actually having the money in your account.
My realtor didn’t think of doing things out of the box, but I wish I would have.

I LOVE MONEY, BUT I LOVE MY SANITY MORE
My realtor was not happy I dropped the price as quickly as I did. Truth be told, I wasn’t happy I dropped the price as quickly as I did either, but having secured some additional money from the first buyer, made it a little easier. Could I have waited it out and maybe gotten a little bit more? Maybe. Could I have also gambled and ended up going through even more money? Of course. I am not ashamed to say I love money, but I learned there is something I love even more. My sanity. More than anything, I wanted the deal done and the stress of what might happen over. Yes, I am a little short on my renovation, but the weight that was lifted the day the deal closed, was worth the cash I lost.

That turned out to be the most valuable lesson of all.

KITTENS IN CONES

9/8/2020

The traditional end of summer weekend wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for. Except for a short barbeque, the D-Man, Kody and new kitten Aja spent most of the weekend inside, on the couch, watching basketball and horse racing. The over 110 degree heat made even sitting out by the fire pit in the evening off the agenda.

It wasn’t surprising the summer of 2020 didn’t end as expected. “As expected” ended in March. We roll into fall, where I would normally be anticipating the football season, but here we go, not knowing how long or what players will be in the game.

Forget about doing live music gigs. Even the Rose parade has been cancelled and every other holiday tradition, right up to Valentine’s Day of next year is kind of hanging in a closet of uncertainty, like my band wardrobe. Might be just as well I haven’t been out in public much. I have only been able to have one mani-pedi and one hair appointment in six months.

There have been other disappointments and struggles for me this summer. Not as major as other people have faced. I am still employed and everyone close to me is healthy. I know others have had it a lot worse, but the constant stress of having to “mask up” and worry who you run into every time you leave the house has only added to my overall feeling of darkness.

In an effort to bring some joy into my life, I set out to adopt a kitten, looking to replace the void in our little family after losing Kato. Even that was difficult, having more people looking for animals then available animals in the shelter.

Finally, I got the call I had been waiting for. A beautiful two month old grey tabby was ready for me to adopt. Her foster mother described her as high energy and a bit of a drama queen. The smartest of the litter, a quick learner and affectionate, but very strong willed. She sounded like a perfect combination. She was named Apple, but I quickly renamed her Aja Blue, after my favorite Steely Dan album (Aja) and my favorite Steely Dan song (Deacon Blues). The D-Man and I had been listening to a lot of Steely Dan this summer.

She has lived up to all the things her foster mother said about her. She spent the first week trying to show her 80 pound dog brother that she was ready to rumble until she finally realized he wasn’t going to fight her. Instead Kody has gone in to tolerate mode, sometimes looking at me as if to say, “When is she going to stop being so crazy?”

Then about two weeks ago, I took her to be spayed. I took the day off from work and combined dropping her off and picking her up with having my electrical panel upgraded. Maybe not the best combo in hindsight, since it was another hot day and there was no electricity.

I brought her home just as they were wrapping up and she was livid. Livid that she had to ride in the car in a cage. Livid she woke up in pain and livid that she now had a cone on her head. I made the mistake of trying to switch out the one they sent her home in with a softer one I had bought for her. It didn’t fit and I couldn’t get the one she had been given back on.

So in the middle of having construction folks wrapping up, I had to get in the truck and drive her to the vet to have them put the cone back on. Meaning another car trip that she was freaking out about.

I sat in the truck as they took her in, hot, stressed and wondering how in the heck I was going to get through two weeks with a kitten in a cone. Two weeks? I couldn’t imagine her wearing the damn thing for two minutes! How was she going to eat and drink in that thing? Would her cone head even be able to get into the fancy litter box with the small hole that I had bought for her?

The vet assistant who brought her out was wonderfully upbeat. “She did fine!” she told me.

“So can she eat and drink in this thing?” I asked. “I mean, do I have to take it off and try to get it back on again?”

“Oh no, kittens adjust. Just leave it on for the two weeks. She will get used to it and do just fine.”

To say I was doubtful is an understatement.

Once I got her back home, she finally settled down and stopped trying to pull the cone off. She even took a nap in it and sure enough, managed to eat and drink with it on. Getting in the litter box, though noisy, barely phased her.

By the third day, she had her cone head walk down. A little swagger with her big head swaying side to side, ready to face the world. She quickly got back to doing jumps, playing with toys and clearing the back of my office chair to land in the middle of my desk, all with a big plastic hat that should have thrown her balance way off. This cone head existence had become her new normal. She accepted it and moved on. After all, there were wadded balls of paper to chase!

No 2020 wasn’t what we expected, any more than a kitten expects to wake up in a cone. Livid to start, it takes less than a day to accept they have to wear something uncomfortable around their neck and move on. They don’t spend a lot of time wishing for what was, because why do that when you can still play, eat and sleep on a comfortable couch or a sunny window?

It got me thinking. We could all use a little bit of that cone head swagger now, couldn’t we?

My Top Three Pandemic Discoveries

5/28/2020

I don’t think anyone was thrilled when the pandemic started to infect us and we were all told to stay at home. I remember thinking it would all be over in a month and toilet paper and paper towels would be back in full supply before I knew it.
Flash forward to the end of May and LA County is just beginning to open some things up.

I may have been a little more prepared than others, having worked from home for the last four years. The travel I had been doing for my job hasn’t been happening, but I am still employed and very happy about that. The band gigs are still totally on hold, which sucks, but for the first time in over 30 years, I am only working one job.

I have found it isn’t bad to be home. In all the years I have lived in my house, I have never spent so much time in the backyard. It really is a great space to chill. I also discovered other things during this time that I have to say are really great.
Here are my top three:

MY NEW “GYM"
I have been going to the gym and working out regularly since my early twenties. I have never taken more than a couple of weeks off, even a year and a half ago when I really messed up my knee. So the thought of being in lockdown and not getting in my regular activity was the one thing that really freaked me out. The older you get, the harder it is to stay in any kind of physical shape. Traveling and not eating well on business trips had already put some extra pounds on me. I started imagining myself fifty pounds heavier in a short month, barely able to walk from my bed to my home office. I was saved by my Amazon prime, which I figured out was good for work out videos, as well as stalking toilet paper. Maggie Binkley’s 15 Minute Work Outs are my absolute favorite. She sets up a schedule for a different workout every day and you move up levels after doing the schedule for a few weeks. She does a variety of exercises, in an average sized room, all using just your body weight, which is perfect at home.

The great thing about a video class like Maggie’s, is you can do it anytime. I have worked out five days a week, since the pandemic started and haven’t missed a day. In the past, if I worked late, I missed a class that was scheduled at the gym and I just didn’t go. There were some good instructors at my gym, but there were some that weren’t so good. Stretching was sometimes an afterthought, particularly when you got a teacher who couldn’t manage their class time. This never happens with Maggie, who makes sure you have cool down time and stretching with every video. I also like that the hardest work outs are over mid-week, with Thursday and Friday being a little less intense. It makes me feel like my week has an easy progression to the weekend.

How have the results been for me? I have lost five pounds and with all the stretching, this is the best my knee has felt since I injured it. I am doing side planks and pushups on my toes, two things I haven’t been able to do in years.

I never thought I would say this, but I see myself going back to the gym on a regular basis. If I go back, it might only be for a cycle class or two to add some variety to my week.

Check out Maggie’s Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/fitnessmaggie/. Or search for her videos on Amazon Prime.

DISCOVERING “MY” MUSIC
Earlier this year, I got some new cd holders that look like library card catalog cabinets. (See above.) Yes, I still have cds. After experimenting with different streaming services, I have gone back to old school. I reorganized my cds and started listening to them alphabetically, starting backward with the Zs. I have gotten to the Ss. I have a lot of cds! But I am really enjoying listening to music I haven’t listened to in years and thinking about some of the memories the music brings up. It is helping make up for no concerts or Summerfest this year.

FINDING GARDEN PATHS AND SCISSORS
I always love doing projects around the house, but I have had one I really never wanted to tackle. On the side of my house, was an old pile of wood from the old deck we replaced four years ago. I was always going to do something with the wood, but never got around to it. I finally decided now was the time. I spent several nights cutting up some of it into a garden path I saw online (see above) and throwing the pieces that were rotted away. It is wonderful to not have that eye sore anymore.

The garage is the cleanest and most organized it has been since after it burned down. I found six pairs of scissors because I kept buying them when I couldn’t find the ones that were buried in the tool chest. I can now open every cabinet and find anything I am looking for. I did the same thing in the kitchen and my home office. The garbage has been full every week and I have bags of stuff waiting to go to the Goodwill as soon as they open.

Which I am much more anxious for than the gym opening. I might be looking at a few new “normals” of my own.

Once Upon A Time In Post Pandemic Los Angeles: A Fairy Tale

4/29/2020

Quentin Tarantino has made a couple of movies where historic events turned out better in his movie than in real life. The most recent one, was “Once Upon A Time in Hollywood.”
I have been thinking about that movie since the pandemic started. My neighborhood has looked different since the “Stay At Home” order. Many of the changes have been good ones. The sounds of saws and hammers with people working on home projects. Families talking and walking together. What if we never went back to what we always thought was “normal”? So here is my version of what might happen after the pandemic. My hope is that even a small portion of this comes true……
ONCE UPON A TIME IN POST PANDEMIC LOS ANGELES: A FAIRY TALE
The sun comes up on yet another crystal clear morning in Los Angeles, where air quality is among the best in the world. People begin to stir in their homes, getting ready to start their day. Some folks still drive to an office or a job, but the majority of people spend at least part of their week working from home. STV(since the virus), businesses have realized that a lot of work does not have to be done in an office setting. They found that their employees actually got more done when they weren’t being consumed by a two hour commute. Of course, there is no such thing anymore as a two hour commute, since the number of cars on the freeways have dwindled. Instead, you really can get anywhere in Los Angeles in 20 minutes.
They wake their children to get them ready for their day. Some families have continued to home school STV, but those that don’t have a profound appreciation of the people who teach their children. Because of this, teachers have seen a huge increase in their salaries and the best of the best want to educate. Why wouldn’t you want the rewarding job of teaching children when you are appreciated and compensated fairly? As a result, test scores have climbed and we look at all the children in Los Angeles and know with the great education and inspiration they will be getting, they will all reach their full potential.
With the end of the commute, once parents get home, they aren’t as exhausted. Cooking healthy dinners as a family is not a rarity, but almost an everyday thing. DTV (during the virus) many people started the tradition of making their own meals and it has continued. After dinner, families usually take a walk together. Dogs, strollers, families on bikes, all with no phones in site, laughing and sharing what happened today is a very common site. You can hear friendly greetings for neighbors everywhere you go.
Where they walk, even in the more urban neighborhoods, everything is well kept. DTV, people started doing work on their homes. They found passion and talent in creating a nice space to live and that has continued. There are no more homeless people on the streets because no one has to be homeless anymore. Programs that were started DTV to house the homeless got expanded. Since so many people were working from home, there are now available office buildings that got converted to affordable housing. Clinics in the housing unit provide both physical and mental care. STV, more people have gone into the medical field, inspired by all the heroes who bravely helped DTV. The medical care is low cost for the housing units because Los Angeles has enough budget, now that there is no longer a homeless problem to throw money at.
On the weekends, restaurants and clubs are full. After spending time apart DTV, people realized that it is more fun to go out and interact. That social media friends really don’t replace real friends. Binge watching is no longer the thing that everyone does. Some people still do it occasionally, but reading, board games, seeing plays, live music and just being with family and friends is now more the norm.
Every March 19th, “Stay At Home” day is celebrated. Not by drinking and partying, like St Patrick’s Day, but by staying home. All businesses are closed. People have quiet family celebrations and everyone remembers those who are no longer with us. The people who gave their lives caring for and serving others. Family members who got sick and never recovered. Those who were not fortunate enough to see the new Los Angeles. After the virus.

Puerta Backyarda and Los LivingRoom

3/26/2020

I saw something on Facebook that made me smile today. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom.

It was the only thing that made me smile today. I had thought we were making progress here in Los Angeles in staying ahead of this virus and then the numbers jumped up. I guess it was to be expected after the appalling videos from last weekend, showing folks crowding on to the beaches and hiking trails, playing pickup basketball in Venice.

I had thought California was being awesome. I based that on my view from my neighborhood. My neighborhood where the only groups of people I saw outside together were families walking their dogs. My neighborhood where when I take Kody on his walks, we all give each other plenty of space when we pass each other. My grocery store where when we line up to go in, we keep at least a cart’s distance between each other and try really hard not to get too close in the produce section.

That’s why it sickened me to see Californians being so stupid. We are supposed to be cool and smart and ahead of the trends. The rest of the country can continue to think this is going to go away in time for the Easter bunny to show up, but we should know better. We have been through riots, fires, floods and earthquakes. We could have gotten our shit together and showed the world how you beat adversity, but we failed.

So now we need to face the truth. Puerto Backyarda and Los Livingroom are where we need to plan on spending not just spring break, but our summer vacations. Face it, everything has been cancelled or postponed anyway, so where do you really need to go? The parks, the hiking trails, the beaches are all closed because we couldn’t do the right thing.

So let’s do the right thing now. STAY HOME! Stop going to play soccer, pickup basketball, touch football and meeting up with your favorite ten people to hike with. Put the family gathering with 25 people on hold. Stop hoarding toilet paper and packing into Costco and just get what you need for the week. Order what you can online and have it delivered to your house, including maybe a meal or two from your favorite restaurant.

Make a list of things you can do from your house that you always wanted to do. One of my neighbors is building planters for his front yard, while another neighbor is just pulling some weeds and trimming up plants for more curb appeal. There are books to read, movies to watch, languages to learn, recipes to try, closets to organize.

Let’s make Puerto Backyarda and Los Livingroom the trendy places to be. That’s the only way we are going to get ahead of this and we have to get ahead this. Our lives and the lives of the people we love are depending on it.

Thoughts From The Pandemic

3/20/2020

Eleven days ago I was flying home from a week long work conference in Baltimore that was followed by a fantastic trip for a long weekend in New York City. Three longtime friends I don’t see enough of, had flown out to join me. We had some great meals, saw two great Broadway shows and watched Lifetime movies while drinking wine and having some girl talk. I even managed to spend a wonderful morning shopping at Macy’s.
All that fun is in sharp contrast to the events that are going on in Los Angeles and the rest of the world. Every day has brought new restrictions and fears and it is now looking like we are all going to pretty much be home bound for at least a month.
Since I already work from home, this has not had the impact on my life that other people are experiencing. Loss of income, loss of jobs and in some cases, maybe even loss of entire businesses are the reality of dealing with an awful virus.
I expected I would handle it better than I have been. The gyms closing was an emotional hit for me, not to mention that the band won’t be doing any gigs in the foreseeable future. I pulled out some weights from the closet, the yoga mat from the garage and have found some descent workout videos.
But instead of starting on a list of projects or working on learning some new songs, I found myself obsessing the whole week about finding toilet paper on line. I felt strangely disconnected from everyone, even though the only change to my regular weekly routine was not driving the couple of miles to workout. I also found it hard to stay focused on work, something I don’t usually have an issue with.
I think it makes a difference when you choose to stay at home versus being told you have to stay at home. Adjusting to the new normal is taking more time than I would like.
Kody, on the other hand, thinks this is fantastic. From a dog’s point of view, not having your human leave your side is the best! He even has gotten extra walks as I try to make up for loss of gym time.
Taking my cue from him, I decided to look at some positives that might come out of this whole pandemic thing. Here are my top three:
The WFH Revolution
Traffic in Los Angeles sucks. There are so many great things to see and do, but the traffic makes doing a lot of those great things a pass. The last week, as more and more businesses have moved their workforce to working from home, traffic has been a breeze. Not to mention, a whole group of people are finding out how much easier work life balance is when you don’t have a commute. My hope is that businesses will see, that work can get done outside an office setting and traffic will never go entirely back to what it was.
More Attention on the Homeless Problem
The homeless problem is a struggle for a lot of urban cities. Sometimes it takes a major crisis for government and the general population to come up with innovative solutions. As we realize this virus could be spread so much faster by the folks who don’t have anywhere to hunker down, I have actually heard some attention being paid to how we can solve this issue. I am not expecting a miracle here, but even if we come up with some ideas that get a fourth of the people off the streets, it would be a huge win.
Gratitude Makes A Comeback
I have to admit, I was angry and appalled when I walked into my local grocery store last Saturday. I have never seen a supermarket in the United States look like that. Empty shelves everywhere. People on their cell phones calling each other to discuss what stores they could find eggs. We have always taken for granted that as long as you had the money, anything you want can be bought. This is no longer the case.
I have no doubt, this virus will end and we will get through this. It would be wonderful if we can remember that nothing is promised, times are not always plentiful and the people we love may not be with us forever. But when times are good, we need to enjoy them and be grateful for every moment.
Likes spending time in a fun city with friends.
I can tell you this. If I ever see a package of Charmin toilet paper again, I am not just going to squeeze it. I am going to hug it and never let it go!

The "Right" Way To Grieve

2/6/2020

My pets have given me so much love and joy over the years and I wouldn’t trade any of the time I had with them. But the part of being a pet mom that is heartbreaking, is saying goodbye when they come to the end of their time on earth.

Kato had battled digestive issues for eight years and this last year, I had watched it grow progressively worse. The medicine and the special diet was not doing the job and Kato started having more bad days than good. Three trips to the vet and no real improvements. I came home from a business trip near the end of January and he had a horrible night. The next morning he gave me what I call “the look.” Having had three other cats and three dogs, I have seen “the look” before. “The look” that says, “ I am done. I am ready for my pain to be over, I am ready to leave this earth.” With that, we made our final trip to the vet and I said goodbye to my first little boy.

Before Kato, I had always had girl animals. I had never really considered a male cat, but circumstances brought him to me and I learned almost immediately, that just like humans, boys and girls are born with different personalities. It is just in the DNA.

He was a “Mama’s boy.” He came to me when he was sick, needing affection or just plain looking for some attention. He never really took to the D-Man. He hated going to the vet, but loved the attention of the girls who worked in the office.

He grew up with dogs and loved Chelsea, the dog I had when I brought him home. When she left us and I got Samantha, Kato tolerated her, but was not overly attached to her. I think he looked at her and said, “She’s alright. But she’s no Chelsea.”

After we lost both his cat sister Kiara and Sami, we were alone for a while. Kato did not seem comfortable being without another sibling. When I brought Kody home, he seemed to really take to having a brother. For the first time, I was a “boy mom,” with my dynamic duo.

It is always difficult to say goodbye to the pets we love so much. I came home after it was done and threw away the litter in the litter box. I threw away his dishes, his scratching post, and his toys. I hung his little collar by the door.

Then I cleaned and did laundry. I was probably an hour into my chores when it occurred to me that this wasn’t the first time I cleaned when I was grieving.

A day after my father’s funeral, I went through his den. I threw out old magazines, I put some things aside that I wanted to keep. I boxed up his clothes to take to the Goodwill.

I remember my mother standing in the doorway and asking, “Why are you doing this now?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I didn’t know at the time, but I realized it made me feel better to bring some control and order to my broken heart.

After my mother died, I did the same thing. It was more out of necessity, having to clean out her entire home, but thinking about it, once again, it helped.

It occurred to me that a lot of people would think it is cold and unfeeling to get rid of things that should remind you of the person or pet you lost, but I find that packing things up and putting them out of sight, allows me to focus on happy memories. Staring at Kato’s empty dish or looking at a stack of my dad’s old magazines made me feel worse, not better. I did what was right for me.

Of course this was all going on right in the middle of the tragic helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant, his daughter and seven other people. Los Angeles was grieving, as was a lot of the country. People gathered at the Staples Center leaving notes, flowers and basketballs. Some people brought out Laker gear and wore Kobe’s jerseys. Folks got new tattoos and posted on social media. Some people grieved quietly, not even wanting to talk about it out loud.

The husband of one of the victim’s spoke with the morning news shows, expressing the fear he had of how he was going to manage his life without his wife and talking about their life together. The Bryant family silent. Two different reactions to the exact same tragedy.

As we go through our lives, we will all grieve. Not just losing someone we loved, but losing a job, losing a house, losing a marriage. We live in a society that tends to judge and talk a lot about the “right “way to do things.

So what is “right” way to grieve?

There is only one “right” way. Your way.

Now I think I have some cleaning to do.