Blog Posts - The Girl In The Band

THE BEST NAP SPOT IN TOWN

8/2/2022

My house always had a second bedroom, but in all the years I lived there, it was never set up as a proper bedroom. I made attempts with a futon bed at one point, but it was not a cozy, comfortable place to sleep or hang. At one point, it had deteriorated to a kind of catch all room where mismatched furniture went to die. When I started working from home full time, it became a nice office space. Last year, when I was forced to change my original location of the laundry room/office to the opposite side of the house and have it connected to the second bedroom, I wanted to make it a place for guests to spend the night. Or, depending on the guests, somewhere I could sleep. It turned out even better than I hoped. But of course, took a lot longer than I expected.

I love the bed I ordered from Pottery Barn, but it literally took months to get it. “It’s on a boat. Somewhere,” was the answer I got when I called for updates, but it was worth the wait. It has great storage underneath. I got an economical Casper mattress, and it is really comfortable. Since the room is in the back of the house, it does not get much afternoon sunlight, which in addition to being a great guest bed, also makes it the perfect spot to grab an afternoon nap. Both the D-Man and Aja, the cat, have tried it out and declared it the best nap spot in town.

Since I had spent a ton of time redoing an art deco armoire that I picked up from Goodwill, I wanted the room to have an art deco feel. I found a great comforter and pillows on sale to fit the style.

The insert above the bed, despite looking like it has always been there wasn’t. It is the other side of an outdoor storage area that I had created with what was the water heater closet. (The new tankless water heater is now on the side of the house.) It’s a great spot for some books, a bed lamp and even a place to charge your phone.

The insert above the bed, despite looking like it has always been there wasn’t. It is the other side of an outdoor storage area that I had created with what was the water heater closet. (The new tankless water heater is now on the side of the house.) It’s a great spot for some books, a bed lamp and even a place to charge your phone.

The bedside table cost less than some wine at happy hour. I was scouring the Home Goods store in Pasadena for a small table and just as I was about to give up, I found it tucked in a corner on clearance. It’s small enough to not take up much space, but big enough to be the perfect bedside accessory.

Now all I need is some guests! Looking for takers if anyone is interested…..

ADVICE FOR MY SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SELF

7/21/2022

I just finished reading a book I really enjoyed called “This Time Tomorrow” by Emma Straub. I recommend it if you are looking for a good summertime read. No real spoiler here since the synopsis mentions the premise. A woman goes to sleep on her fortieth birthday. She wakes up the next morning and finds herself back in time on her sixteenth birthday.

That premise never gets old for me. Don’t we all wish we could back in time, even for a day, to change how our lives have turned out? Or go back in time to give our younger version some sound advice?

Which brings up that age old question “What would you tell your sixteen-year-old self?”

Here are three things I would say if I had the chance:

Stop trying to fix other people. I spent a lot of time in relationships with people who I thought I could fix. Friends, boyfriends, people who I thought I could help turn their lives around. It took many years and a lot of disappointments and tears before I realized that you cannot change anyone. They have to want to change themselves. If you really want to fix someone, go to the pound, and get a dog. A dog can be changed by a woman. A man cannot.

Stop constantly saying “it could be better.” There is nothing wrong with trying to do better in your career. Working on being a better person is admirable. But constantly looking at everything around you and saying, ‘it could be better,” sets up a lifelong habit of never being satisfied. Which leads to never really being happy. I still struggle with this one. Finding a balance between being ambitious and enjoying what you have is not an easy skill for me. If I had started working on this earlier in my life, I might be better at it.

You are smarter than everyone else in the room. It took a while for me to realize that just because you owned a business you weren’t necessarily smart. Or that because you happened to be my boss you knew the best way for me to do my job. I doubted my decisions, talents, and skills more times than I care to count. No telling where I would be today if I had realized sooner just how much I could do.

As far as I know, we can’t go back in time and fix our lives by changing one day. We can’t place a land line call to the house we lived in during our teenage years. But we can look at our past mistakes and without judgement, move forward to make what time we left the best time ever.

LESSONS FROM OPRAH

6/22/2022

I must start out by saying I am not a fan of Oprah Winfrey. I know a lot of people think she is AMAZING! But I find her ANNOYING!

What’s amazing is that I would spend over $20.00 on “Oprah’s The Life You Want Planner.” Even more amazing is, I feel like it was money well spent. So how did I end up adding to Oprah’s financial empire?
I had an epiphany shortly after the start of the year. I should be happier than I am.

I had gone through a stressful 2021. A new position, a crazy renovation, but the holidays had been wonderful and everything in the house was finally done. Yet, I wasn’t feeling blissful.

I certainly had enough things to be blissful about. Getting settled in a new position had been tough, but all in all, this was one of the best jobs I have had in my career. I even like my boss! I had a great life partner, some fantastic friends, two amazing pets and a lot of creative outlets. After imagining how great my home renovation would be for so many years, it lived up to everything I had dreamed of.

Yet, I still spent way too much time annoyed or stressed out, instead of enjoying everything I had. Why wasn’t I happier?

I was listening to Howard Stern one afternoon in my truck when his sidekick Robin Quivers, started talking about the Oprah journal. Howard Stern is no fan of Oprah and he also suffers from having a great life and not enjoying it. Robin was saying she was going to buy the Oprah journal for him because she thought it would help him. I was intrigued. Robin suggesting an Oprah journal to Howard? That was AMAZING!

I went on Amazon and bought it. It sat around for awhile and I finally cracked it open. I turned to the introduction page and after I read it, I realized that one page was worth all the money I paid for it.
So, what did I learn?

Journal Gratitude
I have been keeping a journal (back when I was a little girl, we called it a Diary), since I was nine years old. It started out being about things that happened that day, songs I listened to, tv shows I liked. As I got older, of course, there were entries about my love life, my friends and later, my bands and my jobs.
Oprah’s introduction basically stated the same thing, so I related immediately. But then she pointed out something I had never really thought about. She wasn’t writing in her journal about all the things she was grateful for. Or things that had brought her joy or happiness that day.

Neither was I. There were lengthy entries when my contractors were driving me crazy (complete with some language not appropriate for preschoolers) or I had a particularly frustrating day at work. But very little when I saw something come together on the house or really nailed a work presentation.
No surprise I wasn’t feeling happier! I wasn’t focusing on any happy things.

I now try to include something I am grateful for every night when I sit down to do a summary of my day. Some days, that haven’t been particularly good, it might just be that the weather was great. But it is something. If nothing else, I find I am going to sleep with a better attitude and letting some of the frustrations of the day go.

I Feel Good About My Job When…
The pages of the journal have Weekly Reflections which are questions you are supposed to ask yourself every week. Some of them set off my Corny Meter. Like “when was I true to myself?” I am not sure I even know what that means. But some are good. I even came up with one for myself.

I have been struggling with work this summer. In analyzing why, I discovered there is a part of me that hates working during the summer. I loved being off when I was kid, with no where to be and no alarm going off. Part of me longs for that time every year June thru September. Other things have contributed to my general feeling of work disdain, including a lot of turnover on my team.

After dragging through another week, I decided to try asking myself a Weekly Reflection type Oprah question. Mine was, “I feel good about my job when…”

I came up with several things. When I learn something new. When I rock a presentation. When I help a co-worker with something they are struggling with.

Once again, looking at the things that made me feel good and not continuing to focus on what was annoying, made the whole week go better. Sounds simple, right? It is simple, but, if I don’t make an effort to do it, it is easy to fall into my negative habits.

You Become What You Believe- Oprah Winfrey
In theory, I have always agreed with this quote. But did I follow it?

I have never described myself as a positive person. I consider myself a stubborn realist who accomplishes things because she just refuses to give up. But look at a situation in a positive light? Not so much. My question around why I wasn’t happier was becoming clearer and clearer.

Did this journal instantly change my life? Of course not. But it has helped me adjust my mindset while I work on finding my way down happiness road.

The Lemon Tree Hang Out

6/9/2022

The first major project I decided to undertake with some additional time on my hands, was building a very comfortable spot to read the Sunday paper outside. The deck, which is built in between my two new rooms and under my lemon tree, has a ton of shade. With the heat of summer coming up, I decided it was the perfect spot.

I enlisted the D-Man's help, as he tends to be able to see fault in some of my original construction ideas. I guess an engineering background does that for you! I had seen a pretty simple design on You Tube, where you cut pieces of wood and just stack them underneath some boards to get some height, add cushions and call it a day. The D-Man thought we needed to take it to another level, with brackets and more complicated cuts, but I really wanted to get it done this summer, not 2023! He did make an invaluable suggestion, which was attaching it to the deck to give it more stability. That idea turned out to be the game changer!

The only wood I purchased was three large boards for the base, which I stained and attached together using 2 X4 s underneath. The height was three sections of stacked leftover deck boards. The bottom ones are actually screwed into the deck itself, so this piece isn't moving when you sit down on it. I used boards that were leftover from another privacy screen I had built near the firepit to trim out the front and the sides.

I got the cushions online from Walmart. To keep them in place, I found two industrial pipe clothes racks on Amazon for around $25.00. (The photo below gives a better view from the side).

I finally tried it out last Sunday and it was perfect! Now, if I can find more time this summer to enjoy it.....

The End of My Band Life

6/2/2022

I don’t remember a time growing up when I didn’t want to be in a band.

My parents got me a microphone and a little amp for Christmas when I was about ten years old. I spent several nights a week in my room, singing with records and putting on imaginary concerts.

Then right before I turned eighteen, my dream came true! I became the girl in the band. Give or take a few months, I was the girl in the band my entire adult life. And then, just like that, I wasn’t anymore.
After over 20 years, my band L.A. Lyon, played our last gig in February.

Over those years, I had a hand in running most of the bands I was in. Even when I wasn’t the official band leader, I did a good portion of the work.

With the last version of L.A. Lyon, I took over everything. I bought the sound equipment, I booked the gigs, I picked the songs, chose the people, hauled in the equipment, ran the equipment, and collected the money. Doing it as a woman brought some interesting challenges my male counterparts didn’t have to deal with. I once had an agent tell me I was at “maximum density,” (referring to my weight) if we expected to play casinos. Yes, you must be able to do some singing when you are the girl in the band, but you are also expected to look damn good while you are doing it. Not always conducive when you have just spent the two hours before start time dragging in the entire sound system and setting it up.

I never believed I was going to be able to handle everything I did. I know how hard it is for most women to find a man who not only encourages you but believes in you more than you believe in yourself. I was fortunate to have two. (Shout out to the D-Man, my partner now for over thirty years and Lawrence Noble, my former guitar player). They had no doubt I could not only do it all but be successful at it.

I was blessed to have some very talented musicians work with me over the years who were a very big part of our success.

But the best part was the folks who came out and supported us. We made some wonderful memories and connections over the years that I will always cherish.

Over the years, all the stress of making everything work month after month, started draining most of the joy of performing out of me. It had become more “Damn, we have a gig this weekend,” and less “I can’t wait for the gig this weekend!” I kept doing it partially because I always had done it and partially because I feared if I stopped, I would really miss it.

The pandemic gave me a year and a half break that was out of my control. Finally, I was working one job, not two. I didn’t have to constantly make phone calls to club owners, sequence new music or juggle everyone’s calendars. When Friday rolled around, instead of packing up the truck with equipment, eating a quick dinner and sitting in over an hour of traffic to get to a club, I could start unwinding after already putting in a forty-hour week. Open a bottle of wine, order a nice dinner in, and turn on Dateline. It was almost like heaven.

I kept thinking, “I will miss it. After all these years, I am just tired, and I will miss it.”

But I didn’t. I found myself wishing things wouldn’t open back up.

But they did and we started playing again. At the same time, I was in the middle of a stressful renovation and learning a new job. I waited for the old rush of enthusiasm to return. But it didn’t. The people part of it was still great, but the rest, not so much.

In January, I got presented with having to find a replacement for someone in the band. I decided that was a time-consuming exercise I didn’t want to go through. I thought a lot about something I once heard podcaster Adam Carolla say. Everything you do in life should fall in two categories. You are either having fun or you are making money. The band had become neither one.

I realized I was done.

Done with dealing with club owners who literally didn’t know the meaning of the word demographic but blamed us if two hundred people didn’t show up. Done with trying to figure out the sound, the sets, fix the equipment, all while singing in uncomfortable heels with a smile on my face.

Once the last notes were played, I packed up my band clothes and took them to Goodwill. (Some lucky ladies are going to have some fun threads!). Driving the sound equipment over to the Guitar Center and leaving it behind felt a little strange. Almost like leaving a dog at the pound, except I got a nice check. We had been through a lot together, that equipment and me!

But what was next? How would I feel after the dust settled and something I had been doing my entire adult life was now over?

Stay tuned…..

THE END OF RENO ROAD: THE DINING ROOM

2/24/2022

Having more room to entertain had always been a dream of mine. Over the years there have been many great holidays and parties in the old dining room, (see above) but it was always small and crowded. Most parties did end up being indoor and outdoor, but with no access from the dining room to the outside, the groups were always very separate. It was also a lot of work trying to set up a bar. Cold sodas and waters usually ended up in ice tubs. I really wanted more space and places for folks to congregate.

The new dining room has become the party space I have always dreamed of. Sliding glass doors connect it to the outdoor patio and the vaulted ceiling makes it feel bigger than it really is.

No more setting up a bar every time guests come over. The bar shelves stay set up and the art deco antique bar I have had for years holds extra bottles underneath. Despite the fact that everyone tried to talk me out of it, I did a step down from the old dining room to the new dining room. I knew we would not be able to match the original hardwood to the new hardwood, so doing a step down made it not so obvious. Plus, I really like the feel of going directly outside with no step.

Another idea that my construction people thought was stupid was putting a closet in. I did that for a couple of reasons. I could convert this room to a bedroom if I ever wanted to, but the real reason goes back to having convenience when I entertain. The closet holds a second refrigerator filled with ice and cold drinks. Next to the refrigerator is a wine refrigerator. The shelves above hold party supplies, like paper plates, pitchers, silverware and serving platters.

I had originally planned to have the electric fireplace on the wall to the right of where it ended up, but I realized opening the closet door was going to cover it up. A last minute change to the wall with the patio doors stressed me out a little bit because I wasn't sure if the tile I had bought was going to be enough. Like so many of the other changes I had to make, it turned out for the best. I love that when you walk through the front door of the house at night, you see the glow of the fireplace as soon as you come in.

The old dining room was too small for everyone at larger gatherings and people always hung out in the kitchen. My first party to break in the "new" house, I had over twenty people. Folks still hung out in the kitchen, but the old dining room has become the perfect space for smaller groups to break out and talk over wine, or have a loud debate with the kitchen people. I had originally planned to do the new breakfast bar in quartz, but our vacation in Lake Tahoe changed my mind. The house we stayed at had butcher block and I fell in love with it. I stained the butcher block myself and used the leftover pieces for shelves in the closet and the kitchen.

In addition to the "new" house party, I had Christmas Eve, a small gathering for New Year's Eve and a small Valentine's Day dinner. Entertaining is now stress free, making all the stress of renovating worth it. I can't wait to make more memories with the people I love!

THE END OF RENO ROAD: THE LAUNDRY ROOM

1/27/2022

Before I bought my house, I had never lived, as an adult, in a place where I had my own washer and dryer. Having it in the garage didn't really bother me in the beginning. It was still MY washer and dryer! When I had to replace them after the garage burned down, I was literally standing in the garage with my laundry basket ready to go when they delivered them, having spent eleven months back in laundromats.

But over the years, I yearned for having laundry in the house. California weather is wonderful, but dragging the basket outside had gotten old. Working from home, I also wanted an actual spare bedroom, since the second bedroom had become my full time office.

I came up with the idea of doing a combo laundry/office and even though the end design wasn't even close to what I originally planned, I love the way it turned out.

I have never been a fan of stacking washer dryers. The original plan was not to have one, but when the laundry room location changed, I started thinking about it. What pushed me over the edge was when I saw the commercial for the LG Wash Tower. I read up on it and all the things I didn't like about stacked, had been addressed. Both the washer and dryer had a ton of room and the biggest thing, the controls are in the middle for both, not on the top. No need to get on a step stool to start the dryer!

One of the reasons I wanted the laundry room to have outside access, is I wanted to have a place where I could take off clothes that had gotten dirty working outside or in the garage, without tracking everything through the house. I also wanted a spot to clean off muddy Kody paws. Or give him an entire bath if he ever ran into a skunk again! (Flashback to coming home one night from a gig at 300am to a dog who had been skunked and having to try to clean him off with the hose in the yard.) I originally was going to put in a half wall doggie shower, but during construction, one of the guys building the shower suggested making it a full shower. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. When I retire, I plan on converting the laundry/office room into a full bathroom and now the shower is already done. The only problem was, I had bought the multi-colored tile I used on the side walls years ago and didn't have enough to cover the back wall. After looking at tons of samples, I found this bright orange subway and decided to have them lay it vertical. It is a great accent and really picks up the light from the window across from the shower.

I love 1940s Art Deco, but the last fifteen years, I have become a fan of mid-century modern. (I call my design style Mod Deco). I wanted the laundry room to have terrazzo floors, orange color palette and walnut cabinets.. Doing research, I found out terrazzo floors are not cheap and would have really blown an already stretched budget. I found this "fake terrazzo" porcelain tile at Floor and Decor for a quarter of what the real thing would have cost. I wanted a custom walnut laundry cabinet, but what my contractor wanted to charge for that addition was nothing short of obscene! I used a cabinet panel and Sektion cabinet from IKEA to get some division between my desk and the washer and dryer without a custom build.

It's a great workspace. I have a wonderful view of my yard out the window and it's so easy to throw in a load of laundry while I am working on a presentation. Like so many things in life, not what I planned on, but exactly what I needed.

THE END OF RENO ROAD: THE OUTSIDE

1/13/2022

Yes, I have come to the end of Reno Road. It was a long road. It was a stressful road. Sometimes rounding the corner on Kody and my morning walk, I still catch myself hoping to see a truck in the driveway that isn't mine (that meant work was actually going to get done). Then I remind myself, THEY ARE FINALLY FINISHED!

But now that it's over, I really love how everything turned out. Seeing a binder full of ideas and numerous design changes come to life has been amazing. Besides learning what a shear wall is, I learned some great life lessons. Starting with sometimes big disappointments turn into something better. Case in point, the original plan around where I was going to add 267 square feet.

This is the before. The dining room was planned for where the blue trash can and air conditioner were. The laundry room was planned for the area directly on the right. After the plans sat with the city for four months, we were told we could not build the laundry room behind the garage. I am still not sure why or even if I had been able to go to the city in person (thank you COVID) if I could would have changed things. The fact it had taken so long to get anyone to even look at the plans, I decided to come up with a plan B. My contractor suggested adding the laundry room to the back of the dining room, but I wanted backyard access from the dinning room. After doing some measuring and spending an entire weekend going over things, I came up with the alternate plan

I decided to add the laundry room on the left side of the house, leaving the deck and orange tree in between the two new rooms. The laundry room, which was also going to be doubling as my office, would be entered through my guest bedroom and have access to the outside. Of course that meant moving the electrical panel. The same electrical panel I had just had upgraded in preparation for the addition. Add $7,000.00 to the budget.

Explaining my design to people, even my contractor, I felt like no one got my vision. The D-Man, who usually has no design sense, described it perfectly. "It will look like your house grew two legs." That's the phrase I started using. Even though it was a huge change from what I had always imagined, now that it is finished, I love it.

Working in the new office, I have a great view of the deck and the yard, but what really makes the new design, is the outdoor space. The deck now feels like a little private outdoor cocktail lounge. This summer it is going to be the go to spot, especially during those hot San Gabriel valley days.

The area I originally planned for the laundry room is now the path to the backyard and the new home of the air conditioner. One more plus, is I still have access to the garage from the backyard. We moved the door to the side of the garage before we knew we were not going to be able to have the room there and I hated having to go through my side gate to get to the garage. I moved it back when the plans got changed even though it added another $1,000 to the budget. For me, it was worth it.

It took me a long time to decide on the outside color. The D-Man really wanted me to go with a bright pink, similar to the last time I had the house painted. The pink had faded over the years and even though everyone in the neighborhood knew it as "The Pink House", I was over it. I knew I wanted to keep the trim black to match the new black windows. I toyed with doing the house white, since the black and white combo is really hot right now, but in the end, I couldn't see myself living in a white house. I had bought this colorful lion door mat and had it in the garage, waiting for the house to be done. One day I moved something that was on top of it and staring at it, I knew. The blue was jumping out at me. I guess most people don't paint their house based on the color of a door mat, but what can I say? Most people don't have a house with two legs either!

Holiday Season 2021

1/6/2022

It may sound strange in the middle of a pandemic, but this holiday season was one of the best of my entire life. Starting out with a wonderful day at Six Flags Magic Mountain riding rollercoasters and ending with a New Year’s Day spent eating leftovers in sweatpants on the couch watching football, it was everything I was hoping for. After a long year of the stress of learning a new job in the middle of a crazy renovation, while COVID was going on, it was wonderful to enjoy what is really like having a new home, without the hassle of moving. Entertaining friends and family on Christmas Eve was a blast.

Four days with the D-Man and family in a VRBO with a heated pool in Palm Desert meant we missed most of the LA rain. In fact, after seeing the weather when we pulled in the driveway, Kody refused to get out of car.

A quiet New Year’s Eve with delicious food from Daphne’s and a lot of champagne meant we got to see Miles Cyrus lose her top. Who knew staying home could be so much fun?

What made it so great? It wasn’t about the things, although I did get some nice gifts. It was about the good times and new memories. Which is what the holiday season is meant to be.
Hoping your holiday season was filled with laughter and love.

THE TRUTH ABOUT IKEA

12/13/2021

I am going to confess straight up. I am not a fan of IKEA. Oh, yes, I have walked thru the store my fair share of times. I have profound respect for the way they set things up, so you see a lifestyle, not just furniture. In fact, they do it better than anyone else.

I will also confess that I have bought things from IKEA that I really like, but other than a bathroom storage unit, I haven’t bought any furniture. They have some nice-looking things, but I don’t find their furniture particularly comfortable or durable.

HGTV magazine along with other design and home improvement magazines feature their products quite a bit, something I really don’t understand. If you are looking for reasonably priced couches and beds, there are plenty of other stores that do it better. And the “IKEA HACKS” trend? (Articles and blogs where people take something they bought at IKEA and make it into something much nicer.) Why is everyone having to “hack” IKEA stuff if IKEA stuff is so great?

But yes, during the reno from hell, I went to IKEA. Numerous times as it turned out. Here are three truths I learned:

DELIVERY WAS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
I ordered five different cabinets for the laundry room, and due to design changes, I only ended up using one. (See below for returning to IKEA). They were delivered together in several boxes. Unfortunately, the one I decided to use, was missing the shelves. Unbeknownst to me, the shelves should have been a separate box. Since I wasn’t aware everything has a a different part number, it was hard to determine what went with what and I didn’t notice the shelves were missing until I was having the cabinet put up, months after it had been delivered.

“Just call IKEA, and they should be able to send you the missing shelves,” the cabinet person said.
In theory, that was true. The reality was that due to the supply change mess, I ended up waiting six weeks for the shelves to turn up and because it had been so long since everything had been delivered, I had to pay $20.00.

If I ever do IKEA cabinet delivery again, I will pay more attention to the shipping list and actually check off everything as it is being dropped off. Don’t trust that everything is there, because it probably isn’t.

THEIR CABINETS ARE A REAL VALUE

For the price, IKEA cabinets are a good value. I have had two IKEA cabinets in my bathroom for over 15 years and they have held up very well. The one I now have in the laundry room looks good, wasn’t super expensive and seems sturdy.

NOBODY TAKES RETURNS BETTER

Dragging back multiple cabinets to IKEA after numerous design changes was not fun. That being said, they have an organized system for returning merchandise that has you check in via a kiosk when you get there. Your name goes up on a screen and you see where you are in the queue and how many minutes the people in front of you have been waiting.

The timeframe to return is super generous. If you have a receipt (the email they send you when you buy online counts) you have 180 days for opened merchandise and 365 days for unopened merchandise. You do have to produce the credit card you bought with. One of my returns was bought with a credit card that was later compromised, so they gave me store credit.

Overall, yes, despite not being enamored with IKEA, I can say I am incredibly happy with how everything turned out in the end.