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LESSONS FROM OPRAH

6/22/2022

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​I must start out by saying I am not a fan of Oprah Winfrey.  I know a lot of people think she is AMAZING! But I find her ANNOYING!

What’s amazing is that I would spend over $20.00 on “Oprah’s The Life You Want Planner.”  Even more amazing is, I feel like it was money well spent.  So how did I end up adding to Oprah’s financial empire?
I had an epiphany shortly after the start of the year.  I should be happier than I am.

I had gone through a stressful 2021.  A new position, a crazy renovation, but the holidays had been wonderful and everything in the house was finally done.  Yet, I wasn’t feeling blissful. 

I certainly had enough things to be blissful about.  Getting settled in a new position had been tough, but all in all, this was one of the best jobs I have had in my career.  I even like my boss! I had a great life partner, some fantastic friends, two amazing pets and a lot of creative outlets.  After imagining how great my home renovation would be for so many years, it lived up to everything I had dreamed of.

Yet, I still spent way too much time annoyed or stressed out, instead of enjoying everything I had.  Why wasn’t I happier?

I was listening to Howard Stern one afternoon in my truck when his sidekick Robin Quivers, started talking about the Oprah journal.  Howard Stern is no fan of Oprah and he also suffers from having a great life and not enjoying it.  Robin was saying she was going to buy the Oprah journal for him because she thought it would help him. I was intrigued.  Robin suggesting an Oprah journal to Howard?  That was AMAZING!

I went on Amazon and bought it. It sat around for awhile and I finally cracked it open.  I turned to the introduction page and after I read it, I realized that one page was worth all the money I paid for it.
So, what did I learn?

Journal Gratitude
I have been keeping a journal (back when I was a little girl, we called it a Diary), since I was nine years old.  It started out being about things that happened that day, songs I listened to, tv shows I liked.  As I got older, of course, there were entries about my love life, my friends and later, my bands and my jobs.
Oprah’s introduction basically stated the same thing, so I related immediately.  But then she pointed out something I had never really thought about. She wasn’t writing in her journal about all the things she was grateful for.  Or things that had brought her joy or happiness that day.

Neither was I.  There were lengthy entries when my contractors were driving me crazy (complete with some language not appropriate for preschoolers) or I had a particularly frustrating day at work.  But very little when I saw something come together on the house or really nailed a work presentation.
No surprise I wasn’t feeling happier!  I wasn’t focusing on any happy things. 

I now try to include something I am grateful for every night when I sit down to do a summary of my day.  Some days, that haven’t been particularly good, it might just be that the weather was great. But it is something.  If nothing else, I find I am going to sleep with a better attitude and letting some of the frustrations of the day go.
 
I Feel Good About My Job When…
The pages of the journal have Weekly Reflections which are questions you are supposed to ask yourself every week.  Some of them set off my Corny Meter. Like “when was I true to myself?”  I am not sure I even know what that means.  But some are good.  I even came up with one for myself.

I have been struggling with work this summer.  In analyzing why, I discovered there is a part of me that hates working during the summer.  I loved being off when I was kid, with no where to be and no alarm going off.  Part of me longs for that time every year June thru September. Other things have contributed to my general feeling of work disdain, including a lot of turnover on my team.

After dragging through another week, I decided to try asking myself a Weekly Reflection type Oprah question.  Mine was, “I feel good about my job when…”

I came up with several things.  When I learn something new.  When I rock a presentation.  When I help a co-worker with something they are struggling with.

Once again, looking at the things that made me feel good and not continuing to focus on what was annoying, made the whole week go better.  Sounds simple, right?  It is simple, but, if I don’t make an effort to do it, it is easy to fall into my negative habits.


You Become What You Believe- Oprah Winfrey
In theory, I have always agreed with this quote.  But did I follow it?

I have never described myself as a positive person.  I consider myself a stubborn realist who accomplishes things because she just refuses to give up.  But look at a situation in a positive light?  Not so much. My question around why I wasn’t happier was becoming clearer and clearer.
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Did this journal instantly change my life?  Of course not.  But it has helped me adjust my mindset while I work on finding my way down happiness road.

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The Lemon Tree Hang Out

6/9/2022

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 The first major project I decided to undertake with some additional time on my hands, was building a very comfortable spot to read the Sunday paper outside.  The deck, which is built in between my two new rooms and under my lemon tree, has a ton of shade. With the heat of summer coming up, I decided it was the perfect spot.

I enlisted the D-Man's help, as he tends to be able to see fault in some of my original construction ideas. I guess an engineering background does that for you! I had seen a pretty simple design on You Tube, where you cut pieces of wood and just stack them underneath some boards to get some height, add cushions and call it a day.  The D-Man thought we needed to take it to another level, with brackets and more complicated cuts, but I really wanted to get it done this summer, not 2023! He did make an invaluable suggestion, which was attaching it to the deck to give it more stability. That idea turned out to be the game changer!

The only wood I purchased was three large boards for the base, which I stained and attached together using 2 X4 s underneath. The height was three sections of stacked leftover deck boards. The bottom ones are actually screwed into the deck itself, so this piece isn't moving when you sit down on it.  I used boards that were leftover from another privacy screen I had built near the firepit to trim out the front and the sides.

I got the cushions online from Walmart. To keep them in place, I found two industrial pipe clothes racks on Amazon for around $25.00. (The photo below gives a better view from the side).

I finally tried it out last Sunday and it was perfect! Now, if I can find more time this summer to enjoy it.....






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The End of My Band Life

6/2/2022

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​I don’t remember a time growing up when I didn’t want to be in a band. 

My parents got me a microphone and a little amp for Christmas when I was about ten years old.  I spent several nights a week in my room, singing with records and putting on imaginary concerts.

Then right before I turned eighteen, my dream came true! I became the girl in the band.  Give or take a few months, I was the girl in the band my entire adult life. And then, just like that, I wasn’t anymore.
After over 20 years, my band L.A. Lyon, played our last gig in February. 


Over those years, I had a hand in running most of the bands I was in.  Even when I wasn’t the official band leader, I did a good portion of the work.

With the last version of L.A. Lyon, I took over everything. I bought the sound equipment, I booked the gigs, I picked the songs, chose the people, hauled in the equipment, ran the equipment, and collected the money.  Doing it as a woman brought some interesting challenges my male counterparts didn’t have to deal with.   I once had an agent tell me I was at “maximum density,” (referring to my weight) if we expected to play casinos. Yes, you must be able to do some singing when you are the girl in the band, but you are also expected to look damn good while you are doing it.  Not always conducive when you have just spent the two hours before start time dragging in the entire sound system and setting it up.

I never believed I was going to be able to handle everything I did.  I know how hard it is for most women to find a man who not only encourages you but believes in you more than you believe in yourself.  I was fortunate to have two. (Shout out to the D-Man, my partner now for over thirty years and Lawrence Noble, my former guitar player). They had no doubt I could not only do it all but be successful at it.  

I was blessed to have some very talented musicians work with me over the years who were a very big part of our success.

But the best part was the folks who came out and supported us. We made some wonderful memories and connections over the years that I will always cherish.
   
Over the years, all the stress of making everything work month after month, started draining most of the joy of performing out of me. It had become more “Damn, we have a gig this weekend,” and less “I can’t wait for the gig this weekend!”  I kept doing it partially because I always had done it and partially because I feared if I stopped, I would really miss it. 


The pandemic gave me a year and a half break that was out of my control.  Finally, I was working one job, not two.  I didn’t have to constantly make phone calls to club owners, sequence new music or juggle everyone’s calendars.  When Friday rolled around, instead of packing up the truck with equipment, eating a quick dinner and sitting in over an hour of traffic to get to a club, I could start unwinding after already putting in a forty-hour week.  Open a bottle of wine, order a nice dinner in, and turn on Dateline. It was almost like heaven.

I kept thinking, “I will miss it. After all these years, I am just tired, and I will miss it.”

But I didn’t.  I found myself wishing things wouldn’t open back up. 

But they did and we started playing again. At the same time, I was in the middle of a stressful renovation and learning a new job.   I waited for the old rush of enthusiasm to return.  But it didn’t. The people part of it was still great, but the rest, not so much.

In January, I got presented with having to find a replacement for someone in the band.  I decided that was a time-consuming exercise I didn’t want to go through.  I thought a lot about something I once heard podcaster Adam Carolla say.  Everything you do in life should fall in two categories.  You are either having fun or you are making money.  The band had become neither one.

I realized I was done.

Done with dealing with club owners who literally didn’t know the meaning of the word demographic but blamed us if two hundred people didn’t show up. Done with trying to figure out the sound, the sets, fix the equipment, all while singing in uncomfortable heels with a smile on my face.

Once the last notes were played, I packed up my band clothes and took them to Goodwill. (Some lucky ladies are going to have some fun threads!). Driving the sound equipment over to the Guitar Center and leaving it behind felt a little strange.  Almost like leaving a dog at the pound, except I got a nice check.  We had been through a lot together, that equipment and me!

But what was next?  How would I feel after the dust settled and something I had been doing my entire adult life was now over?

Stay tuned…..
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